Thursday, September 28, 2006

Today's topic

Bad poetry written by a 22 year old...

It's the air that brings it back
The smell of Halloween
I used to be crazy
Do you remember?
It was raining
And the road was full of leaves
And my anger hit
Like warm breath during the first cold snap

...written to commemorate my first serious suicide attempt, the October I was 19. But, I'm never sure if that was accurate. I had pathetically attempted that August, with OTC drugs. I ended up asleep on my bathroom floor til noon. And two weeks before the "serious", I tried to slit my wrists. I even knew the secret, but I was too much of a wimp to go deep enough. And I was drunk. Essentially, I ended up having to bring wrist bands back way before their time. Or scaring unsuspecting gas station attendants when my sleeves pulled up. No, this was the first time that included charcoal and hospitalization. The latter one gets more press, but this is the one I remember. And I feel a small twinge when the air starts to change, like it did last week. But, I am reminded how strong I am now, even in my moments of despair. This is the one that empowers me. It's good to acknowledge, and then move on.

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