When left unattended, I send emails like this:
if you want to date me, turn to page 87.
if you think i'm quirky and fun, but not right now, page 93.
if platonic rules all, turn to page 103.
if you're just not looking for another friend, page 105.
if a dingo ate your baby, go to page 45.
It's bad when you know that even the husband would disapprove of such things and he recently told a girl he hoped bears ate her face.