The kid emailed me and asked what happened to my entertaining misadventures. I don’t have as many without him, the kid could make the DMV impound lot fun. I think he’ll like this one.
I used to work in a weird industrial park. During walks at lunch, my co-worker and I would play “guess how many hypodermic needles we’ll find”. I usually took the over and won. One day, I was walking our normal loop alone. On what is normally a raceway, a man pulled along side me on a bicycle. It’s summer, and he is in layers. I wouldn’t say he was homeless, but if we were playing “your boyfriend!”, he would have been a good assignation.
MB (my boyfriend): “Do you need a ride?”
Me: “um, I’m ok. I’m walking.” And you are on a bike.
MB: “Because I think you are really pretty. I have a car I can go get. It’s just down the road.”
He points to the river.
Me: “really, it’s ok.”
MB: “Do you want to be my girlfriend? You’re probably married. Are you married? Do you have any friends that might want to date me?”
Me, back at my office on email: Dear Miguel, who says I don’t have options?
But wait, there’s more. Fast forward seven months to a ding dong. Our office required visitors to be buzzed in. The doorbell rang about every 2 minutes. Let’s just say, that no one was usually looking through the peephole.
Disclosure: I was the one who was supposed to be doing the peeping and I couldn’t be bothered.
MB: “Hi. Remember me? Are you still married? Can I use your bathroom?”
Me: “um, sure?” fuck.
Me to the office floor: “So, some guy who wants to date me is probably taking a bath in the men’s room right now. Anyone with snarky comments is going to feel some philly girl wrath. Oh, and can someone call security?”
Me, later on email: Dear Orange, who says I don’t have options?
(Kid, I miss you! Clerks II and Snakes on a Plane won't be the same without you. Maybe I'll invite MB.)
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4 comments:
See and you said you don't have adventures without me! Although I'm sure he wasn't as entertaining as nerdy dad or the stoned guys at the DMV. So you never aswerd his question, are you going to marry him?
"Thats not a knife, thats a spoon. Ah, I see you've played knifey spooney before"
knifey spooney with your boyfriend while he baths in your work bathroom... priceless.
Kid -
You'll have to refresh me on nerdy dad? and, I'm pretty partial to the stoned kids at "dude, where's my car" that we got into the snowball fight with. for a straight edge boy, you attract a bunch of stoners...
Nerdy dad and the stoner kids Iwas talking about were both from the DMV. Nerdy dad ws the guy with the socks and sandles, 70 shorts which were abit too short, and coke bottle glasses (oh yeah also the fanny pack) who was pissed off that he couldn't get his car out of impound with a check. He also brought along nerdy son and goofy neigbot/friend. And then there were the stoner kids (the DMV ones) who walked in and smelled as if they had just smoked 2 lbs of pot on the way to get their car out of impound (with tons of police around mind you). I ust remember them smelling worse than a Cypress Hill show. Although as far as stonner kids go the ones from Dude whre's my car were probably the best. And if I remember correctly, I actully was never hit with a snowball. Only you were. I guess you should have taken them up on their offer. Snoochie Boochies!
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